ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
