Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
