I can text with my tongue
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
