The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
