today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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