I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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