You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i think im in europe. pls send help
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
