I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
