If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
