we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
