oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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