So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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