I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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