I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
