Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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