wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
