I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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