I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
