I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
