420 ftw
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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