i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
