she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
