You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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