somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
