Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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