What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
