That's intense
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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