Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
