i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
