A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
