Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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