Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
