we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
