I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
