so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
