You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
