we're blogging at a bar
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
