Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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