he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
