oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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