I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
