I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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