Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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