i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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