hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
