Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Drunk is a universal language darling
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
