i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
