textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
