Kiss
Puke
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
