The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
