I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
