Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
