Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
