Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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