Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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