my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
