If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
