yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
