just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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