if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
