You're completely useless in the revolution.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
