Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
