The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
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