I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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