Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
