Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
