How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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