trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
