then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
