I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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